I bet you can name at least one person who’s let you down at some point in your life.
Maybe it was a friend, a family member, your colleague or your partner.
I recall this one particular time I was let down...
My manager and boss were discussing my job performance with me over the last year. I was eagerly waiting (in anticipation for praise) for my manager to share with my boss how I had been doing some of her work for her while my manager was working on another project…. I waited, and waited, and waited.
I was completely blind-sided - it did not come.
Not only did it not come, but my manager did not praise or recognise all the overtime I’d done, just to get her work done.
Has something like that ever happened to you?
I thought I would not get blind-sided like that again, but motherhood is rife with blind-sides…things that you didn’t see coming e.g.
“Opportunities for growth” (a.k.a. – “bloody hard-work!”)
“Look, look!”, my son called out enthusiastically one morning.
We were in the backyard and he saw a beautiful butterfly fluttering around our orange tree.
He was so excited, like a toddler normally is when they see something interesting or new.
I turned to look and exclaimed, “Isn’t it beautiful?”
But he continued, repeating: “Look, look!!”.
Then I realised what he needed me to say: “It’s a butterfly!
What my son needed, was for me to name this beautiful creature.
This need for us to name things…to understand things, allows us to understand ourselves and others.
It helps us create meaning in our lives.
Are you feeling fine one minute and then overwhelmed and crying the next?
Are you able to name what you may be feeling right...
I’m curious – how are you feeling in this moment? Are you happy, sad, frustrated, excited, angry, resentful, optimistic?
Honestly, in this moment, I’m feeling down and as crappy as it feels, I know it’s not permanent.
I know I can choose a different thought, which will give me a different feeling. I don’t have to stay feeling down.
The following quote by Glennon Doyle, the author of Love Warrior (if you haven’t read it – I recommend it!) helps me to have some acceptance around how I’m feeling right now:
“You are not supposed to be happy all the time. Life hurts and it’s hard. Not because you’re doing it wrong, but because it hurts for everybody. Don’t avoid the pain. You need it. It’s meant for you. Be still with it, let it come, let it go, let it leave you with the fuel you’ll burn to get your work done on this earth.”
I know it’s not always easy to get yourself out of a...
Let’s be honest.
I thought I was going to be an awesome mum...
Then I had a baby...
Now the honest truth...after having my daughter, I did feel like I had things under control. My first born was a regular feeder, but I knew once she was in bed, she would sleep until her next feed.
She never woke up before her next feed... I felt in control...I was smashing it!
I trusted her sleep routine so much that on one occasion I made a split second decision.
It was the night I woke up around 3 o'clock in the morning to find my husband not in bed. That evening, he was at a Bucks night in the city and I was worried he hadn't come home. I called his mobile - he answered, panting...out of breath (?!)
I was still half asleep, not sure what to make of it: "Where are you?".
"Running’, he said - like it was the most...
As a mum, I bet that no matter what hurdles you’ve faced, you’ve stepped back, regrouped, sought more information, then continued forward.
Think about all the new things you had to learn after you became a mum…how to bath your baby, feed, sooth and settle, and everything after that! Plus all the developmental milestones!
But what happens when you put the effort in, try everything, and you just can’t get over the hurdle?
Maybe you’re in a similar situation right now…you’re putting in so much effort, still feeling unfulfilled, guilty, then blaming yourself, thinking…
But what if you are?
What if it’s not about how much effort you’re putting in? What if it’s not about effort at all…what if you’re not supposed to jump that hurdle…?
I experienced this while living in Italy....
Have you ever travelled overseas and been lost in a new city? It’s kind of exciting and you don’t freak out because you know you can search Google Maps to find out exactly where you are, and where you need to go. You can also quickly work out how you got there in the first place.
However, what happens when you get lost in Motherhood?
There is no Google Maps for navigating that journey. You know physically where you are, but how on earth did you get to this mental space where you can’t even describe the landmarks! You know you want to feel differently but how do you make that happen? The clue lies in understanding how you actually got here.
Whenever you meet someone new, one of the first thing people ask you is “What do you do?”
When you’re in the workforce, you don’t notice how many times you’re asked this question.
If you’re on maternity leave, you’ll feel confident saying, “I’m...